Aetheists ain't got no songs!

A Compendium of Religious Music Resources (Steve Martin Edition) - Mind the Gap

Turn up your speakers.
You are going to love this!!

My Daddy Can Fix Anything!

I was reminded recently of when my daughter was just a little girl. I can still remember that four year old little face, with tears in her eyes, walking up to me with a broken toy in her outstretched arms. “Daddy, can you fix this for me?”. I told her I would do my best, and I took her toy to my workshop out in the garage. A little while later I handed it back to her, good as new. I cannot tell you how much joy I felt inside as her eyes lit up, and she squealed, “Thank you Daddy!”, and then ran off to play with her toy.

We were living in an older home then that was in much need of repair, and it was during this time that I was able to learn and hone much of my handyman skills. It took some time, but by the time we finished, most of that old house looked brand new. Many times my children brought me broken things to repair, and sometimes to my own amazement, I was able to repair them. We taught our children to be polite and to say “please” and “thank you”, but it is hard to tell at such young ages if they really appreciated things or not.


It wasn’t until one of my friends had asked if I could bring my tools over to his house to help him fix something, when I heard my little girl loudly exclaim, “Sure he can. My Daddy can fix anything!” I had no idea she was listening, but it did feel good to know that my daughter believed that about me.


I hadn’t thought of that for quite some time. Recently I had been going through some of life’s trials and was feeling the heavy burden of despair. I had been taking for granted that I could indeed fix just about anything. I can do most home repairs and if something is made of wood, I’m your man. I am involved in various ministries and over the years have learned to work with people, calming storms, settling disputes, helping others reach a common ground. I enjoy fixing all sorts of things. But this time, emotionally, spiritually, I was getting beat up pretty bad. I had reached a breaking point and I had no idea what to do next.


I had been praying about this issue all along, but I had been asking God to make things the way I wanted them, instead of allowing Him to do it His way.


Finally, during one of my quiet times, alone with God, I gave it all to Him. Now, my kind of “quiet time” with God isn’t always quiet. Yes, sometimes it is when I am sitting in my comfortable chair alone with my Bible, but many times it is when I am busy mowing my yard or building something or working on a project in my garage. It was during one of those noisy quiet times, when I could hear my little girl’s voice shouting, “My Daddy can fix anything!” The mere thought of that sweet little girl repeating those words made me smile and brought warmth to my heart as those memories flooded back into my mind.

As I thought back to those early days, I heard another voice, that still, small voice you read about in the Bible. It was calm and reassuring, and I could almost feel a gentle hand on my shoulder as He said, “My Daddy can fix anything.” I immediately stopped what I was doing and fell to my knees. I knew all too well Who was speaking to me.


I began to pray and begged God to forgive me. I wept almost uncontrollably and called Him “Daddy”. I swept up all my problems, all those things that I could not fix, in my arms and I approached the throne and laid them down at the feet of Jesus. I could not look up, I couldn’t even look at His feet, and I cried, “Daddy, I can’t fix this. I am giving it all over to You to do with as You will. Please forgive me for being so selfish and wanting to have things my own way, instead of Yours”.
I stood up, turned around and walked away, leaving it all at Jesus’ feet.


I’ve seen some results since then, changes in things that could only come from the Holy Spirit working in people’s lives. I have no idea how things will turn out, but I have decided that whatever makes my Heavenly Father happy, makes me happy.



Blessings.

Humble yourselves, therefore,

under God's mighty hand,

that He may lift you up in due time.

Cast all your anxiety on Him

because He cares for you.

(1 Peter 5:6-7)

The Best Joke Book Around....

If you are looking for a collection of good, clean jokes that you can openly tell in church, then you need The Official Alpha Dude Joke Book.

I like to make people laugh, or at least smile. I don’t care if people are laughing with me or at me. As long as they are laughing, that means they are experiencing at least the slightest bit of joy, even if only for a moment.

I know it isn’t my job to make people happy, but I try to at least make them feel good while I have the chance.

One thing I’ve learned since I was asked to be the Alpha Dude, is that people like to laugh. They also like to share their own bits of humor with me as well. Also, the ministry Director likes to open each session with a joke. Some of them are actually funny (and some are not). I’ve tried my best to only include the funny ones here. So go ahead, sit back and enjoy the ride.

If you like what you see here, share the joy.

I had posted this once before, a long time ago.
However, the formatting was terrible when I converted it for printing.
All that has been corrected and the book is now "new and improved" (so no one can get into any trouble).
Crazy Deb, since you bought a weirded formatted copy, you get this one for free.
(send me your address and I'll send it right out to you, but keep this between just us, okay?  I wouldn't everyone else to get jealous)

For the rest of you, you can buy the book by clicking on this link, or by clicking on the book cover over there on the right side of this page.

Blessings,

Alpha Dude

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

The Bible Story - as written by a child.........


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.

The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbors stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

The Gold Coin

I had an encounter with God this weekend.

Our church is involved in a spiritual growth campaign called “RESET”. We’re borrowing it from Crossroads Church in Cincinnati, Ohio. It is really pretty good and I highly recommend it. Each week during RESET, we’re given a different “challenge” to complete.

One of the things we were asked to do during this past week’s challenge was to participate in the “Prayer Experience”. The Prayer Experience is a series of 12 or 13 “stations” that you walk through while listening to a message on an MP3 player. Upon entering each area, or room, you click next on the player and listen to the narrator explain the intent of this particular area. The experience you have while there is strictly between you and God, even if other people may also be in the room at the same time. Each individual moves at their own pace, advancing to the next “station” whenever they are ready. One station leads you through the church auditorium, others lead you through small rooms or areas sectioned off by black curtains.

I went early Saturday morning and found myself to be the only one there.

Some things I have been dealing with lately involve fear, doubt, and feeling insecure about some things. Often times I wonder, “Where is God in all of this?” while dealing with some particular daily experiences.

During the Prayer Experience Saturday morning, God reminded me that He is still right there with me, and is in control of everything.

As I entered the third “station”, the one titled “IDOLS”, I noticed a wicker basket full of gold coins. (Don’t worry, they’re all cheap plastic coins, so no one will try to steal them). Each coin was imprinted with a symbol (a harp, praying hands, etc.) and had a scripture verse on the back.

I pressed “next” on the MP3 player and the narrator began to explain the meaning of this particular room. As he spoke I noticed another small basket which contained pieces of bread, and a box of toothpicks next to it. Beside the baskets of coins and bread, there was a sign that said to take a few coins and a piece of bread, and as you listen to the narrator, you’ll discover what to do with them. A few, to me, means three, so that’s what I tried to pick up.

I reached into the coin basket and picked up a few coins. When I looked in my hand, I counted four plastic gold coins. I didn’t really believe I would use all four coins and figured I could put one back in the main basket before I left this room. I used a toothpick to pick up a small piece of bread and made my way into the main part of the room.

In this room, I saw several brick pedestals with more wicker baskets on them. Each basket already had many coins in each of them and the front of each pedestal bore a sign which described a common misconception or belief you may have, or have had, about Jesus. The instructions were that if you thought you needed prayer in this area of your life, or if you basically need to hit the “Reset” button concerning your thoughts or beliefs about Jesus, then as you are praying (talking to God) about it, toss a coin into the basket, indicating that you are turning it over to Him.

As music now played on the MP3 player, I took my time reading each sign, and carefully, deeply and prayerfully evaluated where I stood on each issue. And I tossed a coin into a basket, and then another, and so on.

When I got to the end of the row of pedestals, I had tossed one coin into five different baskets. Five. A chill ran up my spine. I looked back across the room to where I had started and remembered that I had only picked up four coins from the first basket.

It was then that I also noticed that I still had one more coin in my hand. As I looked at it, my body began to tingle and my eyes began welling up. Through the tears, I read the verse written on the back of this coin. It was Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength”.

I had been conversing and listening to God the entire time, feeling Him, as it were, so I thought, “Okay Lord. I get it. I give it all over to you.” All of my cares, my worries my fears, my insecurities, I turned it all over to Him. I remembered the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand and stared at that piece of bread on the toothpick in my hand.

Nothing happened with the bread, so when the narrator said to eat it, I did. I looked again at the coin still in my hand and said, “I’m keeping this one”. I put the coin in my pocket, left the room and proceeded to the next station.

Blessings.

Penguins......

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird, which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:



"Freeze a jolly good fellow."




"Then they kick him in the ice hole."






You really didn’t believe that I knew anything about penguins, did you?

A Really Good Quote....

"If a friend is in trouble,

don't annoy him by asking

if there is anything you can do.

Think up something appropriate

and do it."

- Edgar Watson Howe

I really don't think I should say anything beyond that.