Finding Peace…..Alone with God

I apologize for this being so long. I can get a little preachy sometimes.


Okay, so I have noticed how people speak about other people in their lives that may have hurt them or caused them pain, both in and out of church, and most times it is pretty easy to tell if they have gotten over their hurts or not. You can tell by the way they speak about them or their current situation, and it also shows up in their tone of voice and their mannerisms whenever those particular subjects come up. For a while there, I was no different.

Yes, I do have a past. Yes, I have been hurt, very deeply. But it does not get me down and it does not control me. The enemy has no power over me and does not dictate my life and how I will react to certain things.

So how did I do it? How do I keep on doing it? Well, because you asked (and even if you didn’t) I will tell you.

I found a passage in the Bible that has come to mean so very much to me and is the focal point, or beginning , of how I tie so many other scriptures together to make sense of my life.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (NIV)

This is how I explain how people can know God’s will for their lives. I am convinced that if you do these three things, then God’s Will, will become apparent in your life.

Now, I like the NIV, but it is important to look at other translations to get the full picture of what God is telling us here.

First, “Rejoice always”. Other translations say this as “be joyful” – always. This is because God never says anywhere in scripture that He wants us to be happy. In fact, all Bible references to the word “happy” tell us that happiness is a feeling. It is an emotion and it is fleeting, it is temporary, and it does not last. However, the Bible DOES tell us that we are to “know joy”. And you know very well that “joy comes from knowing the Lord”. Rejoice, be joyful, always. You see, joy is something you know, it is a decision you make, it becomes a state of mind, a condition of your heart. So, just “know”.

And about that word “joy” – a friend of mine described it this way: The word JOY is an acronym that means: Jesus, Others, and You. If you prioritize your life this way, then you will understand JOY. Remember, when asked about which commandment was the most important, Jesus answered “Love God”…first, then He said to “Love others”.
Also, Philippeans 2:3 says,

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests

but each of you to the interests of the others.”

So, 1) Jesus, 2)Others, 3) You. That is JOY.

Pray continually. That one isn’t so easy, so I figured a way to do it. Like most people, I’m sure you pray first thing in the morning. So do I (most days). I ask God to help me live my life today in ways that are pleasing to Him. And I fail at it each and every day. But, when I finish praying in the morning, I do not say “amen”. This way, my entire day, everything I say and everything I do is a constant prayer to Him. There have been days when I am so ashamed that, “Oh man, I cannot believe that I just prayed THAT to God”. I don’t say “amen” until I am ready to go to sleep at night. Praying continually.

The hardest one though, is “give thanks in all circumstances”. Give thanks in everything, and for everything. No need to explain this one. You know for yourself how hard this can be. “Seriously God? I’m supposed to be THANKFUL for THAT?!?” Yeah. Everything.

So how do I keep from talking badly about those who may have wronged me? How do I keep from thinking bad thoughts about them? I pray for them. It isn’t easy to be angry with someone if you are praying for them. Go ahead. Try it and see for yourself. Also, I have some really good guys who hold me accountable, and they have my permission to do so. They are the kind of friends that I need and that I want in my life. I don’t need anyone to offer comfort and a pat on the back, I need strong Christian men to speak truth into my life when I need it, and to give me a Holy Spirit butt-kicking when I need it or deserve it.

Here’s another verse that helps me not speak ill of others:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,

that it may benefit those who listen.”

(Ephesians 4:29)

I think it is important that we not misunderstand what this verse means by “according to their needs”. I strongly believe that we need faithful people in our lives that will speak truth to us, God’s Truth, when we need it. We need to trust that those people will tell us what we “need” to hear, not what we “want” to hear. There is often a huge difference. “….that it may benefit those who listen.” Think about it, if people only tell us what will makes us feel better about ourselves, what benefit is there? We have learned nothing, and we have not grown, and have no opportunity to grow. I want to grow (and not just because I am vertically challenged).

And one thing that was very difficult for me was to forgive.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving each other,

just as in Christ God forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:32)

I had been beaten, punched, kicked, pushed around, bullied, spit in my face (seriously, that was just gross), had obscenities hurled at me, screaming and yelling at me. Good grief, all I tried to do was have a conversation, but I suppose you cannot disagree with some people without setting them off.
And I still had to forgive.

With all of the above, one scripture passage kept appearing in my daily devotionals.

“But mark this:

There will be terrible times in the last days.

People will be lovers of themselves,

lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,

disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,

without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control,

brutal, not lovers of the good,

treacherous, rash, conceited,

lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—

having a form of godliness* but denying its power.

Have nothing to do with such people. “

(2 Timothy 3: 1-5)

With that in mind, particular individuals are no longer in my life.

*Oh, and about verse 5, “having a form of godliness…”, Paul is talking about Christians here. These are people who attend church, claim to be followers of Christ, attend Bible Studies, and may be active in church. But their lives do not reflect what they say they believe, they are lukewarm Christians (see Revelation 3:15-17 to see what happens to lukewarm Christians), and they are only “good” while they are at church or surrounded by their “church friends” (and sometimes, not even then!). Remember, you may be able to fool the people around you, but you cannot fool God. He knows your heart.

I now sleep better at night, and people around me have said they have noticed that “dark cloud” is no longer hovering over me. All I ever wanted was peace.

A few years ago, some very dear friends became concerned and asked, “Why is the guy who was always smiling, no longer smiling?” Then recently, they came up to me, hugged me and yelled, “He’s back!” I hadn’t even noticed, but apparently others did. And they do.

I’ve basically been alone for quite some time now, and I don’t mind telling you – it sucks.
But, if I had my choice, compared to what I’ve been through, I would rather be alone.

You may have already figured out that I am pretty much an idiot and have terrible luck with women.
But God loves me anyway, and everything will heal over time. And believe me, I have learned my lesson about rebounding and rushing into a new relationship way too soon.

As Andy Stanley pointed out, the perfect woman for me is out there somewhere, and God knows who she is and He knows where she is. So the best thing for me to do is to get and stay as close to God as possible and He will make things happen according to His perfect timing, not mine.

So I spend my time serving Him and serving others in His name, and drawing as close to Him as I can. I hope His timing is soon, because all that nonsense is far behind me and I am ready to move on.

I am still alone. But I am at peace.
Blessings.

Story of my Life

So, yeah, it's like that.

One Man's Perspective

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,

that it may benefit those who listen.”

(Ephesians 4:29)

This isn’t an easy subject to talk about, and since I am personally going through some of this right now, I do need to be mindful of what I say and how I say it. However, I do plan to be straight forward and direct, so if you are offended or put off by anything mentioned here, well, that is probably a good thing.


One thing I think that most of us can agree with is that men are basically stupid. Don’t get upset. God made us that way from the very beginning. I know you gals won’t argue with me on that one.


It all started way back in the Garden when God declared that it is not good for man to be alone. Any woman who has gone away for any amount of time and entrusted a man to stay home and take care of her houseplants can attest to that. Think about it – God put a man in charge of the entire Garden of Eden! It could be one of the reasons why God said that isn’t really a good idea for man to be alone. (yes, I know it has more to do with the fact that all the animals had mates and man didn’t, but bear with me, okay?)


God knew all about us men from the very beginning. So God decided to make a helper suitable for the man.


So, God made the woman since it really isn’t good for us guys to be alone. But you need to understand how God did it. You know that Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs, right? You knew that. But do you remember what God did before he took that rib from the man? You guessed it. He caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. Now, I challenge anyone to find anywhere in the rest of the Bible where it says that man ever woke up.


Throughout scripture you will find verses that say things “Arise O sleeper…” (even in Ephesians 5:14). Even Jesus quoted that saying from the Old Testament. I really think He was talking about us! Jesus had to ask His disciples if they could stay awake with him for even one hour! Wake up guys!


So maybe that is why God had to make a helper for the man. We need help. Your husband may be a highly educated man, with a great career and with high standing in the community, but we just are not designed to make it all on our own.


And as for not being to altogether bright, I heard that even Mrs. Einstein was known to say things like, “Albert, you’re such an idiot!”


So here are some suggestions to help you two get along a little better. I know beyond any doubt that these things would have been a great help in my own life.

Okay guys, admit it, whenever there is a disagreement or an argument, who is at fault 90% of the time? Yep, that’s right. We are! Remember what it says in Ephesians 5, and 1 Peter 3? Have you done all you can to lift her up, make her holy, keep her washed clean through the Word? Can you present her to Christ as radiant, without stain or wrinkle, but holy and blameless? Yes, it says blameless. Blameless. The onus is on us. The men.


Did you love her as you love yourself? It doesn’t matter if she started it or if she is being totally unreasonable, you are to love her as Christ loves us.


Remember, the first part of the passage in Ephesians 5 tells us to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”


Then it says that the wife should submit to her husband. That is all it says to the woman. It is all that needs to be said. The woman gets it, she doesn’t need to hear any more.


The man however, needs a bit more direction and explanation, so the next several verses tell him what he specifically needs to do. Keep her holy and blameless, washed, clean, lift her up, present her to Christ as radiant, without stain or wrinkle or blemish. Love her as you love yourself!  (We have to be told!)


And ladies, are you loving your husband like the Bible tells you too? Remember, the last part of the last verse of Ephesians 5 is what ties it all together. “….and the wife must respect her husband”. It doesn’t say that the wife shall, which would make it a command, but it says must. You must respect him, even when you don’t feel like it. It is what makes all of his efforts worthwhile.


Please note that this scripture only tells the wife to do one thing – respect her husband (the submit thing is a part of that), but the rest of that passage is an instruction to the husband to behave in such a way as to give her good reason to respect him!


Do you see it yet? It is a team effort! You both have to do your part in order for it to work. But the main part of making it all work for the good of the team falls on the woman. I’m serious about this. But ladies, you need to know a few things before you start throwing dishes at me.


Ladies, we love you. We really do, but please, talk to us. One of the main reasons for marital problems, that I read, is a lack of communication. We cannot read your mind. We would sure appreciate it if you would tell us specifically what it is that you are thinking and what it is that you want. Subtle hints don’t always work, and even flat out telling us sometimes doesn’t register, so you may need to tell us again. But please be nice about it. And remember, the way you say something is more often more important that the words you use. Please speak sweetly, the way you did back when you were trying to get him to notice you.


We know you women enjoy conversation, but most men don’t need all that much. Just because your husband doesn’t say anything doesn’t mean he isn’t speaking to you.


Did he bring you flowers for no reason? Did he open your door for you? Did he help you on with your coat, or hold your chair for you, and remember to put the seat down? (Guys, are you paying attention here?) Did he help with the dishes, help take care of the kids, help out around the house so you don’t feel like a maid? (seriously guys, are you paying attention?!?) While you were sitting together in church, did he reach over and touch or hold your hand? He may not have said more than two words in any of that, but his actions spoke volumes. Were you listening?


Guys, I know it isn’t easy, but please try to use a few more words than just a belch and “Good dinner, Hon”. Women need more than that. They need to feel loved, with kind words and non-sexual affection. But mostly – do stuff for her. Help her out.


And ladies, please understand if you don’t already, your man needs to feel appreciated. Just a few simple words of affirmation go a really long way. Affirm him. You’ll be glad you did.


The bottom line here folks is simply this: Be nice to each other.


Do nice things for your spouse without expecting anything in return. You may be amazed at the response.



[Naturally, if there are problems in your marriage that go beyond all of this, you should seek counseling (talk to your pastor or a professional counselor). But please, do NOT seek advice from your “friends”. Go straight to someone who will actually help you.]






Blessings.

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving each other,

just as in Christ God forgave you.

(Ephesians 4:32)

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests

but each of you to the interests of the others.

(Philippians 2:3)

No Fear

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,

and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

Now, I certainly do not proclaim to be wise, nor do I claim to have knowledge or understanding of the Holy One, rather, I consider myself to be a full-time, long-term, struggling student of the Word.

I have been in the church for 49 years now. I gave my life to Christ 36 years ago, so suffice it to say that I have heard a great many sermons on many different subjects. It is also safe to assume that I have sat through more than my fair share of sermons on tithing and giving. Putting money in the plate on Sunday morning seemed natural to me since, well basically, on Sunday morning that is just what you do. But I had always put in a dollar or two or whatever my grandfather gave me to put in there. And I never really thought much about it.

I continued to “tithe” during my early adult years, but it was still always an embarrassingly small amount. I can still remember the day when I learned that the word “tithe” means ten percent. But I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, I felt fear. How could I give a full ten percent when I have a wife and child at home, while attending college full time, and we barely get by as it is? I increased my giving a little bit but it was still nowhere near ten percent. I’d heard someone say that God values your time more than He does your money, so I began volunteering my time at church. Sometimes I had even used that as an excuse for not tithing.

Once I finished college and began my career, I heard a pastor explain how “tithing” is an Old Testament requirement and that Jesus changed all that when He came here. According to Jesus’ teaching in the New Testament, He wants it ALL. 100%. All of your time, all of your heart, all of your mind and body, all of your soul, all of your spirit, and as for money – it is His to begin with. He merely allows us to manage it for Him. And according to the lessons in Crown Financial Ministries, He lets us use 90% to live on. It ALL belongs to God anyway. In fact, everything we think we own belongs to God, He just lets us use it.

Well, ten percent was still a lot of money to me, so I volunteered even more time at church and increased my giving to what I considered to be a comfortable level, but still way short of ten percent. And, although I consider myself to be thrifty and manage money wisely, I have still struggled financially.

I came to Northview in December of 2004, and became a member soon after. So it has been six full years since I first heard Pastor Steve’s annual tithing challenge, where he quoted from Malachi 3. You see, my only desire is to please God and live my life for Christ, but I had never thought of myself as robbing from God. I work hard for a living and earn my own way and provide for my family. But still, times were hard and the idea of tithing a full ten percent seemed like a lot to ask, but then Steve quoted “Test Me in this”, says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”

So I signed the card and took Steve up on his challenge. I did the math and wrote that first check for the full ten percent. I could not help but think that a whole month’s worth of those tithe checks added up to a really nice car payment! But I stayed the course and waited patiently for God’s blessing to pour out all over me. But things did not get better for me financially, they got worse! I remember thinking about Steve’s challenge and that money back guarantee, and thought of how much all that money could really help me out. I also remembered the lessons from Crown Financial Ministries in that it all belongs to God anyway, so there was no way I was going call and ask for that money. The challenge was for only 90 days, but I had decided to give it a full year, in case God was also testing me in patience.

Each year Steve laid down the same challenge, and each year I signed that card and gave the full ten percent. But each year my financial situation did not improve. My savings account was depleted, and there were times when I feared I could not get to work since I could not afford to put gas in my truck. There were days when I drove on fumes and a prayer. And just like Mother Hubbard, often times the cupboards were bare. I had to borrow money and use credit cards just to stay afloat.  (another thing you are not supposed to do!)

I found myself unemployed for a few months in 2007, but God did provide and I was able to find a new job at basically the same salary as before. And although those few months of unemployment brought a lot of problems for me financially, as soon as I started my new job, I resumed tithing as well. But those blessings still did not come. But now I was also haunted by the debt accrued during unemployment.

During all of this, I still had a rather dim view about tithing. I was not a cheerful giver and I found no joy at all in giving money to the church, let alone adding the Next Chapter campaign on top of it. I still gave, but I was giving grudgingly. And around this time every year, Pastor Steve presents his tithing challenge with the guarantee that God will pour out blessings. But the blessings still did not come. I was getting rather frustrated. “Okay God, I’m ready! Here’s your check. I’m ready to receive those blessings now!”

Nothing.

I saw tithing and giving as a chore and I realized that I was only in it to get something out of it. I wanted those blessings God had promised in Malachi 3. But the blessings were not coming. It was also during this time that I met another fellow in our church whose financial situation had been worse than mine. He told me that he had reached the point of turning everything over to God and telling God, “I’ll trust You all the way to zero”.

Those words struck me very deeply, and I decided to do something I should have done from the very beginning – I decided to pray and turn over my whole heart, including my finances, over to the One who provided them in the first place. “Seek first His Kingdom…..” Yeah, I remembered that memory verse from Sunday School. “…….and all these things will be added unto you”. What things? ALL things. All my needs, all the necessities of life. All of the blessings He had promised. From the Crown Financial Ministries course, I understood the difference between needs and wants, but I was still struggling.

You see, I was being obedient, as He instructs me to do in His Word, but my heart was in the wrong place. I wasn’t doing it for Him, I was doing it for me! So I asked God to change my heart, and offered myself to Him as His humble servant. I asked Him to help me live my life in a way that is pleasing to Him.

I also prayed, “Lord, I trust You all the way to zero”. And sure enough, God took me all the way to zero, sometimes below zero, but He always provided and brought me back up. I learned to appreciate what He gave me. I also learned to live on a very small budget.

Just over a year ago, things began to change. Certain financial situations began to turn and go my way a little. Not much, but just enough to where there was a little bit left over at the end of the month. Financially, I was no longer suffocating and I could breathe a little better. I also began sponsoring a child in Indonesia through Compassion International. What a blessing! I was even able to complete my Next Chapter pledge early, and give a little extra as well.

Then a job opportunity opened up at work and I applied for it. There had been a salary freeze at work for the last several years, so there had been no raises, even though the cost of living had increased. God blessed me with the new job, which meant a promotion and a small raise. I remember my first thought as being, “Wow, I get to tithe more! Now I can do something for someone else!” I was genuinely excited, but then asked myself “Where did that thought come from? That certainly doesn’t sound like me!” I thanked God for the blessing and for changing my heart.

And the blessings started. Not a lot, but small abundances. I noticed that each one of those abundances were also accompanied by an opportunity. An opportunity to help someone else in need.

Sometimes I laugh at the fact that the opportunity to help someone out financially, was the exact amount of the abundance that God provided. My greatest joy in doing something for someone is that they never find out where the gift came from. As long as God gets the glory, I’m okay with that. He is the One responsible after all.

I was still under a mountain of debt, but that mountain was shrinking. God is so good. I have learned a lot from this experience and it took a whole lot longer than 90 days to see God working and to realize His blessings. The “floodgates” haven’t opened up and I certainly do have room for more blessings, but God will take care of that in His own time.

My heart and my attitude have changed in regards to tithing. I get paid every two weeks, and it happens electronically. So I have set up reminders on my Outlook calendar for each of those days. On payday, I log onto the Northview website, and pay my tithe electronically. It is the first thing I do on payday. Ten percent from the “first fruits”. I budget the rest of the month from there. There is gas in the truck, food in the fridge, and every once in a while I can afford to go play a round of golf.

And that mountain of debt? This time next month, with the exception of the mortgage, I will be debt free. One more payment to go. I can hardly wait to see what opportunity He presents to me then.

God is so good.

I’ve never been irresponsible with money. I’ve always disliked spending it, especially on myself. So frivolous spending and poor money management was not the problem (my truck is 13 years old and was paid off 11 years ago). What I needed was an attitude adjustment and a heart transplant. And that fear I mentioned earlier, has now turned to joy.

God is good – all the time!  And for Re:Imagine - my pledge is twice the amount I gave to "The Next Chapter".  God made that possible too.

Since God has proven Himself to be faithful, true to His Word, and that He will meet my every need, I asked Him to allow me to win the lottery to prove to Him that all that money will not change me.

Have you ever heard what sounds like uncontrollable laughter from heaven?

Yeah. It is a lot like that.

Blessings.