September 15, 2005
I’m angry. I am so angry that it burns deep within me, and wells up inside me like an inferno.
The fact that some people can be so dishonest and mean and hateful towards someone else, and then be rewarded for it, just burns me up. This sort of thing had always bothered me, but I hadn’t given it much thought until I found myself on the receiving end of all of that hatred and dishonesty.
Why do some people feel the need to behave this way? I just do not understand it.
I’ve learned recently about something called Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a mental condition, and so far has no known cure and any successful treatment has yet to be discovered. What happens is that this individual will appear normal and nice. This person may be quite pleasant to be around and may develop solid friendships. However, when any one of these relationships turn sour, meaning: if you disagree with this person, or try to correct them in any way, they turn against you. This otherwise nice, sweet person becomes mean, calculating and callous. These people have been known to go out of their way to hurt someone drastically, just because they no longer unconditionally go along with everything the BPD person says or does.
I always thought that true friendships, the ones that last, are filled with give and take, an exchange of ideas and thoughts and beliefs. We don’t always have to agree in order to remain friends. Think about it: if we always agree about everything and never challenge each other, the friendship will not grow. It will remain stagnant and may eventually fade. We need relationships in our lives that encourage us to grow and progress into the people God intends for us to be. This means that change in our lives is good. Of course, this change should translate in to growth.
A wise man once said “If nothing changes, then nothing changes”. Change is good. We need it in order to grow. People with BPD, however, have trouble accepting this.
I have learned a lot about BPD, and I am still learning more as time goes on. People with BPD will not recognize themselves as having this condition. They have also been known to fabricate elaborate stories to make themselves appear the victim while intentionally damaging someone else. The cost in people’s lives in behaving this way can be great, but that thought never enters their mind. They’re only concerned with winning, or “getting even”. Getting even for what? There was no wrong-doing done to the person with BPD, but they stopped getting their way, so they feel the need to “get” that other person. I still don’t understand that. Quite possibly, I never will.
I stated in the beginning that I am angry. Actually, I had been deeply hurt by a person with BPD. So “hurt” is what I am really feeling. But let’s call it what it is. I’m angry, I’m mad, I am bitter and confused. I’ve been hurt and it made me mad, so I’m angry. There it is.
What did this person do to hurt me so badly? Well, I had intended to write quite a dissertation describing the details of a particular BPD person, and how they went out of their way to destroy my life. But then a very good friend sent me the following daily devotional. God used this to change my heart, and to calm my spirit.
I hope this blesses you as much as it did me…..
How do we react when God shows mercy to people we think deserve punishment? If we are resentful, it may indicate that we have forgotten how much the Lord has forgiven us.
After Jonah followed God's second call to preach His coming judgment on Nineveh (Jonah 3:1-4), the people of the city turned from their evil lifestyle, so the Lord did not destroy them (v.10). God's mercy made Jonah angry. He told God he had been afraid this would happen, and that's why he fled to Tarshish in the first place. "I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, . . . One who relents from doing harm" (4:2).
But the Lord said to Jonah, "Should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons?" (4:11).
God's marvelous grace is greater than all our sin. "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God" (Ephesians 2:8). Because of His grace to us, we should "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave [us]" (4:32).
Instead of being angry when God is merciful, we should applaud. —David McCasland
What love the Father has bestowed on me!
For this I cannot help but thankful be;
I read His Word, His promises embrace,
And daily praise Him for His matchless grace. —Hess
We can stop showing mercy to others when Christ stops showing mercy to us.
So…..just call me …. Jonah.