Monday, July 14, 2008

Alpha Dude for President


(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official language, speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Walmart' policy 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.

(6) Just like the presidency, all political offices (senators, congressmen, etc.) will have term limits. All politicians will be required to contribute to social security, just like everyone else. No more “Golden Umbrella”. No more free rides.

(7) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(8) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(9) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences, if convicted of murder you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(10) One export will be allowed, Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(11) All bans and/or restrictions on accessing or utilizing American Oil will be lifted. Wanna stimulate the economy? Bring those gas prices DOWN.

(12) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(13) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(14) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get.Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

God Bless America


Dr.John said...

The only problem with that is if we cut off our imports from China and Japan they will call in their loans. Since we owe them over 50% of our trillion dollar debt it would be total economic collapse.
Now I couldn't vote for that.
Where were you when we needed you?

Anonymous said...

Hmm, why didn't you really run for president for '08? Or maybe you should push your way into the next president's cabinet so you can help make the right decisions for our country. I especially agree with 5, 7 and 10.

Good job voicing your opinion!



CrazyDeb said...

You have my vote! We need someone who is down to earth, has common sense, and has his/her own opinions. Can I be your VP candidate?

EE said...

You have my vote!!!
I love it when you step on toes (tee hee)!!

Grumman-581 said...

For #9, it should be:

For the first crime of theft, you will lose your right hand.

For the second crime of theft, you will lose your left hand.

For the third crime of theft, you will removed from public office with extreme prejudice.

Only politicians can steal without hands, right?