My grandfather told me that the smart guy learns from watching others. So here's some of what I've learned from the men's ministries I've been involved in through the years...........
Why is it, that, when someone is married to someone who is very good-looking, and nice, do they still find themselves with the urge to explore a relationship with someone else?
Sometimes this just doesn’t make sense. I mean, a guy who is successful, has a gorgeous, loving wife at home who takes good care of him and the kids and the home, still searches the internet for someone else willing for meaningless sex? Why would he do that? (another question is why would some woman subject herself to a man like that. But that’s something we’ll explore later).
The answer, I believe, is quite simple. Most times, when people stray, the person(s) they stray with are somewhat less appealing than their spouses. You see, people who stray aren’t looking for something better, they’re just looking for “something”. Anything, actually. There is something missing at home that they are not getting.
We get busy with our lives, fall into a rut with our day to day activities, and we tend to forget those little things that used to be so incredibly important to us. Intimacy. Now, I’m not talking about sex here, although that does contribute heavily at times. Remember when you used to go for walks together? Spend time together doing nothing, just talking? Or maybe even just hanging out together, whatever it took to just be near each other, with those occasional loving glances you used to give each other, then smile and blush and you just knew there was someone nearby that loves you more than anything.
What happened? Where did that go? Those romantic times become fewer and fewer, and those moments seem to happen less often until one day, you realize that you are now only living with someone you just feel “comfortable” with. You drift further and further apart.
Well, guess what? People still need that intimacy! We all still need that closeness, that “oneness”, that loving feeling we get when your mate gives you that special look, or just takes the time to talk to you. Why do people stop talking to each other? For whatever reason, stop it. Get back to where you once were. Rekindle that flame. Re-ignite that spark. Fall in love all over again. Remember, it isn’t just about sex, although that does play a big part. If your spouse isn’t getting what they need from you, they just may start looking elsewhere. We all have needs, and those needs need to be filled.
The long and short of it is this: People get comfortable, fall into a rut, get bored. But these same people have needs and wants and desires. If you won’t fulfill their needs, they’ll find someone else who can, or is just willing to. The Bible tells to fulfill each other’s needs, so that when you are apart, you will not be tempted. There, you see? God already knew about this!
I know it is difficult for most guys to open up and share their feelings, but come on guys! This is your wife we’re talking about! She’s a part of you! Share yourself with her!
Ladies, take care of your husbands, so they never want for anything or anyone else! Yes, it may be difficult for some of you. So guys, give her good reason to WANT to take care of your needs. Treat her well, and give her good reasons to respect you. (Just try being NICE to each other).
Here’s an idea……try having an affair………with your spouse! Re-kindle that excitement.
Spend some time together, talk. I mean really talk. Not just about your day and daily issues, but about your feelings you had that day. When you got married you became one with your spouse, right?
So start acting like it.
Just 15 minutes a day, every day. That’s all you need to get started. Just 15 minutes a day. Make a little time for each other and just….talk.
The rest is up to you.
******Added for Clarification*******
As usual, this article is aimed at trying to get the reader to think. Not what to think or how to think, but to think. How does this subject apply to your own life? This article can be read or taken in different ways, and apparently it has been.
I did not mean in any way to imply that it is okay to blame someone else for your own foolish choices. What I've shared here are things I've learned from listening to people who were actually involved in such activities. What I didn't say was that these individuals learned from their mistakes and realized that they had made their own foolish choices. Each one understands now that they should have openly told their spouse how they felt at the time. Some spouses forgave, reconciled the marriage and moved forward. Some didn't. But that wasn't the point. The point was to try to get people to see themselves and stop any potentially damaging activity before it has a chance to develop.
But you see, the enemy (devil) likes to work his way in very slowly so we usually don't recognize that it is him trying to influence our lives. Once a person is involved in some kind of sin (porn, chat rooms, etc...) their first reaction is to try to hide it. Things get progressively worse as we delve deeper into the sin.
The Bible tells us that a husband no longer belongs to himself, but to his wife. And the wife, in the same way, now belongs to her husband. It also says we are not to neglect our spouse (in any way) so that when you're apart, you will not be tempted. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
But in the end, as Tracey pointed out, we are all responsible for our own actions.
So take some time to just stop and think. The rest is still up to you.