Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Is THIS What It's Like?

I have never smoked or done any drugs, and I don’t drink. Oh, I used to drink on a professional level during my first couple of years of college, but I stopped doing that (over 20 years ago). So basically, I don’t know what it feels like to get high. But today, I think I got a small taste of what it must be like.

My office is on the top floor of our building, and apparently someone decided to re-roof our building using an angry herd of wild elephants. The noise, all day today, has been deafening. With all that shaking and banging and rumbling going on, it has been difficult to concentrate on work.

On top of that, they must have decided to use some sort of sealant around the air conditioning units on the roof, because a very strong toxic odor seemed to pour through the vent in my office. It must have started gradually since I didn’t notice it at first.

Now, I’m not saying I started getting a little loopy, but the project I am working on is a creek realignment and I think I’ve found a way to make water drain uphill. I think I’ll double-check my calculations later on when I am sober.

I normally do my designs (and sometimes my calculations) in pencil, so I can easily make corrections, so I have some tiny pieces from my eraser still on my desk. Imagine my surprise when some of those little pieces began to move! Holy Crap! That odor coming out of my vent must have been stronger than I thought! For a moment I thought I was tripping! It wasn’t “cool” either, because I was also feeling “itchy” on my head and my shoulders.

It wasn’t until I picked up one of these moving pieces that realized what they were. Ants!

Ants on my desk, crawling across my work, across my walls, on my shirt, in my hair. Those itchy little things are everywhere!

Apparently, the newly sealed roof has given the ants only one place now to go. Down.
I keep hearing the occasional little “plop” of one of them landing on my desk on my paperwork. I am so glad I never did drugs because this has been so not fun.

This is taking awhile to write since I have to keep stopping to go squish a few of those little buggers before they start crawling on me! What do I look like? A Picnic?

Well, at least the air coming out of the vent is clean and odorless and no longer toxic. I’m just glad I can still think straight and write coherently and itiafilweoaluaiwltswslln…………dude.

At least the ants aren’t biti………Ow!

Never mind.


EE said...

The ants go marching on:)

my4kids said...

lol so sorry Dude. That does not sound fun at all. I would have had to ask to work somewhere else or go home. The thought of ants dropping on me would have driven me insane...

Anonymous said...

Dear Picnic,

This is one of those ants you tried to squish, I am the one who bit you and I got away. nanananaaaaaaa

Just letting you know,I am hiding in one of the cracks in your wall and I will be watching you!

Ellie said...


Ever send material to Letterman or Leno? I think your funny and should look into it more seriously.



Ellie said...

ummm. I meant to say...you're funny, not your funny...grrrr

HeiressChild said...

alpha dude, you can make the most serious story entertaining. *lol*

Real Life in South Carolina said...

Oh my goodness...I can't imagine the stories you'd come up with if you got high!