Sunday, October 07, 2007

Living my Life for….Who?

I like singing in church. Our church’s worship team rocks and our worship time is awesome. But last week we sang a song and I found myself just standing there, unable to sing. Some people, I suppose, just read the words on the screen up front and just sing whatever is up there. It could be about the wonder and joy of cow-patties and folks would sing for all they are worth, just because that’s the song we’re singing at the moment. But I tend to read ahead before I sing so I can really throw myself entirely into the song, because dude, this is worship, not responsive reading.

I enjoy making my part of the joyful noise, but I just couldn’t bring myself to sing this particular song out loud with the rest of the congregation. I could only hang my head in shame.

The first line of the song said, “I live my life for you, Lord……”

And you know what? I started to think about that and I realized that I really don’t. I felt that if I sang that song out loud, with my whole heart and made a “joyful noise unto the Lord” with those words, I would feel like a hypocrite.

Even though I try, and I would really like to, I do not always live my life for God. I live it for me. I like things done a certain way. My way. Which is not necessarily God’s way.

I’ve been asking certain people during this last week to please forgive me for my selfishness and not showing God’s love to them in a practical way. They looked at me like I was crazy.

I hadn’t always spoken to my wife in the kind and loving manner that I believe I should, but she said she understood and had already forgiven me. (She’s a keeper).

Sometimes I get irritated by certain people when things don’t go the way I’d like or they don’t behave in way I think they should and it affects my attitude towards them.

I still get upset at people I don’t even know on my way to work.

Why is it that anyone going slower than you is a moron, and anyone driving too fast is a maniac?

My wife is not perfect (but she’s close enough for me), my kids are not perfect (but almost), my life is not perfect. I am not perfect. (Sorry to burst your bubble, but really, I’m not).

I am not perfect and I don’t want to be. The last guy who actually was perfect? Well, they crucified Him.

I agree with our worship leader who said that even he had a tough time with that song. Maybe if it had said “I want to live for you, Lord…” or maybe, “I’m trying to live for you, Lord…” it would have been easier to sing.

The Bible says that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and that I can do nothing outside of Christ. Perhaps that is my problem.

I think I’ll concentrate more on trusting God and doing things His way instead on doing things on my own.

That, and I’ll stick to simpler songs like “Jesus Loves Me…” for a while.

Okay God, my answer to you is “Yes”. Now, what’s the question?

3 comments:

That Chick Over There said...

I think that's the best any of us can do. You know?

Ellie said...

I like to read the words ahead, as well, and I am like you, sometimes I just can't sing them because of what is going on in my heart at that moment. I think what you wrote about in this post just points out the fact that you are "normal" with everyday issues, just as all of us are who are trying to walk on the straight and narrow and sometimes fail. :)

EE said...

You're a singer, too?
Is there anything you can't do, Dude??
Listen to Ellie...she knows what she's talking about:)